Behavioral and mental aspects

Wikipe-tan, licenced under CC, author: SunnuChow

Earlier I've written about self-knowledge, self-esteem and self-confidence. Now I concentrate on mental features that secondarily affect on female sexuality.

Your behavior and attitude to your partner affects hugely on his/her behavior and sexual motivation towards you which in turn affects on your own sexuality. The partner is like a mirror that reflects the bad attitude or behavior transformed into a decreased sex drive. The seed of a vicious circle is easily planted.

Personally I'm not particularly interested in externally pretty and attractive women any more at this age, I prefer internal beauty. At young age, when the sex hormones go through the roof, outer virtues are overrated. With age the inner beauty becomes more and more important. If someone is joyful, kind and gentle to me and treats me respectfully I become more likely fascinated of her and I more easily show my feelings which easily increases the sexual tension. I'm very calm and serene person myself and I try to be friendly to others as well. People with different personalities may be fascinated of other types of persons. My point is that the way you behave affects on the sexuality directly or indirectly regardless of your outer virtues.

How can I know if I behave well and respect the partner? It's surprisingly a difficult question and the answer is too complex to consider here thoroughly. Some people have this ability naturally, some don't and the worst scenario is that someone looses it with age without noticing it. According to my experiencies there are three age periods when this ability easily weakens temporarily or even disappears. During identity crises people learn to assimilate who they are and what they want. Then there may be difficulties to interact in a good way when many things culminate and self-confidence is low.

I've seen several women approaching their 40's who's attitude to their partners become oppressive, they seem to believe that they are bosses of the house, they have false sense of superiority. Nothing is well and they become angry if their all demands don't get fulfilled. This is a typical reason to a divorce. Why this happens? I can't answer this comprehensively, there may be stress from continual hurry and information overload and feel of insufficiency and other psychological age specific issues. And how it is possible that these women don't recognize this behavioral change? I can't explain, there may be insufficient self-consciousness. And how to tell them about this change without an outburst of rage? I don't know. And then there's the menopause that is best understood. Hormonal changes may cause physical symptoms and erratic behavior but today this is easily corrected.

Keys to these non-hormonal behavioral and attitudinal problems are metacognitive skills and ability to go beyond one's own perspective. There may be internal mental conflicts, fears and such psychological issues but I'm not going into this now. The point here is that if you can't realistically understand your skills, abilities and authority over your partner you will face confrontations of one type or another sooner or later. If you can't behave as an equal partner things go easily wrong. If you can't see the world from another person's perspective and feel empathy you can't feel a deep connection with a partner. We all, even serial killers, act reasonably in relation to our own reality so it's fundamental to learn to see the world from different aspects to be able to understand others and to try to make things better.

I'm not lecturing here about flaws of females. I'm trying to encourage you to continuously observe and consider your own behavior to develop better metacognitive skills and abilities to prevent unconscious bad behavioral changes and to correct them. You can practise to see things from another person's perspective and deepen your empathy skills (if you are not a psychopath). This applies to males as well. And they have their own flaws but it's another story.

Treat your partner as equal. Be critical to your own behavior. If you have issues with your partner, take the long way, deep analyze together the situation, there are no shortcuts to the solution, often both must adjust their behavior. And don't forget to keep up your sexuality in physical ways!